Mud Treasure's Space

'You people!  This is wonderful, what you have all done for me!  
 
You know, really, this is not for me, it is for all of you!  Keep in mind -- this is all part of life, it may be the part that really sucks!  Know now that I am not in pain, I suffer no longer, I AM cancer free -- I have moved on!  It is time for all of you to move on!  
 
I have a plan, that includes all of you later!  In the meantime - be there for one another - live life to the fullest – do those self breast exams – and if you are not comfortable about something – GET A SECOND OPINION – be sure to look at that glass as half full, not half empty, you will waste your life pining on what is gone, not what is left to be.  
 
Be sure to tell the people that you love, what they mean to you -- because life is way too short, and in the end the love and the memories are all that they have!  Remember - it takes a village to raise a child, to help each other, to get each generation standing on it’s own!  Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses, look at the art, and just FLAT out enjoy life!
 
All of you ROCK!  Thank you for what you have done, this is not good-bye -- it is see you later!  I love all of you!'
 

It's been awhile since my last post.  I'm in radiation recovery mode.

I'm very exhausted and short of breath.  These are not new symptoms to this process.  The symptoms are just intensified right now.

You aren't seeing me online much.  I'm in bed resting most of the time.

I've begun to hear the question, "Is she telling us everything?".  The answer is, "Yes".  I am.

It has never been my style to keep anything from my village as I walk through this journey.  My intent has been the opposite.

Just as I am being patient as I move through this healing process, please be patient with me.

We are withdrawing the steroids.  I will be off of them on Friday.  Hopefully this will go well and I'll be steroid free.

My docs tell me that I am right where I need to be.  I just have to rest and give myself time to heal.

If you have questions, just ask.  My timeliness to answer will be a little slower than you are used to, but I'll get back to you.

I value your support and am all over trying to keep you informed.

Big Hugs To All Of You...............MT

I continue to be frustrated by some upper respiratory funk.  I'm still on anti-biotic's and really thinking they need to change them.  However.....I do seem to be getting a little better every day.  It's just slow.

I am doing nothing but resting.  It seems to be working so I guess I'll just keep on doing it.

I had a visit from one of my neighbors yesterday.  She and I wave when we see each other, but just don't seem to get across the street to talk very often.

She brought dinner.  Goulash and Apple Dumplings.  The Apple Dumplings were especially appreciated as this weekend is the Apple Festival in Lincoln, AR.  I, of course, wasn't up to going.  So.......I felt like a little of it came right to my door.

We caught each other up on all the goings on.  She ALWAYS knows what's going on here on the block.

I learned that I have a neighbor under house arrest.  Not all that surprised but it was news to me.  Guess I should inspect folks ankles more often.  LOL

This lovely neighbor swept the leaves from my front porch and sidewalk.  I can't even begin to tell you how good that made me feel.  I just haven't even felt like sweepin' the freakin' leaves.

There are the survival things like groceries, doc appts, etc.  Then there are the other things.  Things like sweeping leaves, pruning shrubs, picking up sticks in the yard, mowing, etc.  For a gardener, it's tough to let the latter slide, but you do.  If I ask someone to help with those things, it feels like I should be waiting to ask them for one of the survival things.  I write this paragraph to those who keep scolding me for not asking for things.  I'm still working it out in my independent mind, People.  I'm still trying to let you help.

I actually have a busy week ahead of me next week, so I'm hoping that all this rest will help me to get through it.  One speech, physical therapy every day and a few other doc appointments during the week.  It doesn't sound like much, but is for me right now.

I'm making calls tomorrow to withdraw from the fashion show.  At my current rate of recovery from this upper respiratory funk, it's just a little more than I can handle this week.  I'm bummed about it, but I've got to try to be smart right now about all this healing stuff.

I just keep repeating the following:

It's ONLY An Inconvenience

 and

Have Faith And Fight!

If you want to attend the At Home In Arkansas Survivor Fashion Show, they tell me you can get information on the Ozark Affiliate Komen Site.

It's October 12 and I'm still getting my details so that's all I know right now.

Hope everyone is having a good week and preparing for a great weekend.

I've been on the receiving end of all of the awareness and goodness out there relative to this vile disease for the past 1 year and about 2 months.

It's time to begin to give back.

I have a good friend and supporter who is involved with the Ozark Affiliate 2007 Race For The Cure.  I've told her from the beginning of my journey that as soon as I'm able, I want to be a part of raising money toward finding the cure.  We've GOT to find a cure.  This is just affecting too many people.

I feel very honored to have been chosen to be photographed along with 10 other women to represent the race in our area.

I have also been asked to speak at the kick off luncheon this month as well as be a model in an all survivors fashion show.  I never dreamed that I would be in a fashion show at my peak weight and bald.  Anything for the cause.

I spent most of my life being married and raising children.  3 beautiful boys and 2 ex-husbands later, I've been learning how to take care of me.

After getting over the initial shock of cancer, I knew that this would be the cause for which I fight.  I never really felt that I had a cause before.  It's a very worthy cause.

There are so many things being discovered about the disease.  There are so many wonderful diagnostic tools available.  More to come over the next several years.

I will say to all of you that your biggest advocate is your own INTUITION!

In my case, I found the mass.  I took it in to them and they performed their tests.  They sent me home and told me it didn't have any of the characteristics of cancer.  THEY DID NOT DO A BIOPSY.  They should have done a biopsy.  On this first pass, neither they nor I found the quarter size sentinel lymph node.  It was all there THEN.

That was April 2005.  By June 2005, I had witnessed other changes in my breast and called them back.  This time, they referred me to a Breast Oncologist.  He found it all and did biopsies the very next morning.  By Sunday evening, he called me with the malignant results.  We were all over it and in chemo treatment by Friday of that week.

My message to women is if you have a mass........get a biopsy.  If your doc won't do it, find one who will.  Life vs. a small puncture.

I did everything I could do.  I did self exams.  I had annual mammogram's.  My mass just decided to surface last year and was already at a Stage 3.  Now, we've progressed to Stage 4 with the Metastatic Brain Involvement.

Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what your gonna get.  Funny.  I thought I protected myself from crappy chocolates by only getting the nut/caramel type of chocolate mixes.  Hmmmmmmmmm.

None of us should walk around in fear of this vile disease.  Instead, we should take all of the necessary precautions and live our life to the fullest.

I encourage you to do your self exams, see your doctor and get on with your life.  The lazy gene is not a good one to have in regard to self exams OR making your appointment.  I talk to TOO many women who put it off.  JUST DO IT!

I also encourage you to participate in fund raising events in your area for finding a cure.  You can find a local event by visiting the Susan G. Komen Site.

Let's find a cure!

I work very diligently at keeping myself on the top of the emotional heap.  The positive side that promotes goodness and healing.  The FIGHT side of things where cancer or other life battles are concerned.

This has, however, been a difficult couple of weeks for me.  I've hit the frustrated, angry spot.  That's right people.  I am just ready to be at a different point.  I'm ready to be healing faster and getting on with my life.

OH, I'm working on getting through all that I have to get through to get to the other side.  I'm just tired of being exhausted all the time.  Tired, tired, tired!  OK...enough of that.

As of today, I am back in 24/7 compression therapy treatment for the Lymphedema in my right arm.  My therapist believes this swelling is from the steroids.  I agree as the beginning of taking steroids is when I noticed the swelling beginning.  We'll get it under control and should be able to come off the steroids in a few weeks.  Then...........perhaps the arm and many other things can begin to return to a more normal state.

I've had a sore throat since last Friday.  Today, I began anti-biotic's to treat that.  This condition probably isn't helping me to feel any better.

When in healing mode, it's nice if your cable T.V. is working.  On Saturday, my cable T.V., cable Internet AND electricity went out for hours.  I still have no idea what happened.  My Internet was back in the wee hours of the morning.  The Cable T.V. issue wasn't fixed until today. They had to send out technicians.  They told me they don't know what they did to fix it.  Gotta love that.  I'm just glad to have my T.V. back.

I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow when I will feel stronger.

Am I the ONLY person on the planet that MIXES my peanut butter and jelly?

I use crunchy peanut butter and grape jelly.  I mix them together then I apply the mix to wheat bread.

Do the rest of you all apply peanut butter to one piece of bread and jelly to the other and then smack them together?

Just wondering.

I haven't actually blogged an update on what's going on with me in awhile.  Here it is.

The brain radiation continues to work.  It will be actively working for the next 5 weeks or so.

For this reason, I continue to have brain swelling and the need to continue to take steroids.  We increased the steroid dosage again this week to deal with some mild tremors I had been having in my right hand and foot over the past few weeks.  Those symptoms have subsided now.

Most of the treatment area is hairless now.  There is one "landing strip" on the back of my head that wasn't a treatment area.  It's quite the contrast to the hairless part.   I do still have hair falling out and suppose it will all be complete by the time the radiation stops working in a few weeks.

Even though I continue to improve daily, I do have days like today when I am just exhausted and need to sleep and rest a lot.  I just try to let my body tell me what it needs.

For someone like me who has been so active, in the past, this is all a little hard to swallow, at times.

I'm at that point where I'm trying to continue the fight knowing that I will probably never return to what I was before.  That's right, folks.  I'm trying to face reality here.  I'm getting older and my body's resources are battling cancer.

I know that I will always fight and I know that I will always be the best that I can be.  I know these things about myself.  I'm a survivor.

I'm someone who sees, clearly, that the plan I had for life is changing dramatically.  I've already abandoned Plan A, my original life plan.  I've been thinking about Plan B.  I need a plan C, D, E, etc.  It's one thing to think about a plan.  It's another to begin to take action and put it into motion. I've just now begun to think I have the energy to think about it.  All in good time.  I'll get there.

Right now, I'm focusing on a few things....as I can.  I begin treatment next week on my right arm again.  The Lymphedema is raging and swelling is up, so we have to get it back under control.  It's been edging it's way up over the past several weeks.  I take full responsibility for NOT doing more to keep it under control.  I have all the tools and instruction.  So...........I'll do better this time.  Live and learn.

I want to work more IN the office and less from home.  I haven't done a good job of getting that accomplished this week, so I hope to do better next week.  Even if it's just a few hours there and the rest of the day at home..........that works.  It's an accomplishment.

I want to get on the treadmill.  I keep saying, "Today...or tomorrow."  Maybe if I post it in my blog, I'll do it.  I'm doing it tomorrow.  Self......You are starting tomorrow!

With a little help from my friends, we are getting my pottery studio going so I can play in the mud here.  It's 1/2 way there.  I can already do part of the process out there.  It won't be long until I can do the rest of the process there.  YAY!

Laser Surgery on my right eye appears to be a great success.  We did that on Thursday morning to clear some "after cataract" growth that was giving me peripheral vision issues as well as some fuzzy/haloing vision issues, particularly at night.  All cleared up now.  Just 4 more days on eye steroid drops and that's a done deal.  Progress!  We're making progress here!

My fighting weight is up............much to my dismay.  I soooooooooo look forward to ultimately getting off the steroids and the weight beginning to drop.  Until then............I'm REALLY trying to be patient.  This particular side effect frustrates me to no end.  I remember how well I was feeling after losing all the weight a few years ago.  I was at a great point last summer before all this cancer treatment began.  I was mobile, walking and dancing.  It was great.  I'm going back there.  Just not sure when.

I'm not having any symptoms that indicate liver issues so we will be taking a look at scans in about 5 weeks to see if there appear to be any changes there.  This will occur at the same time as the post radiation brain scans to see how we did with that treatment.

It's a healing Autumn for me.  Our trees are beginning to turn and I hope to get some good photographs this year.  This time last year I was right in the midst of chemo and there were NO photographs getting taken.  And.......I love a good shot of light coming through a brilliant, orange leaf!

I'm a survivor.  In spite of the fact that I'm facing the reality of these large life changes...........I'm a survivor.  So.........here we go in to the next chapter of my life.  Slow, but sure.

Sunday night, we were scheduled to meet for one last dinner.  3 of us made it and didn't go where we originally planned.

Dennis looked across the parking lot toward a little restaurant in a corner and said "Let's try Moroccan."

It was awesome!!  First time I have tried it and now I'm looking for something around here.

It was one of those experiences I will always cherish.  It truly wasn't just a meal.  It was an experience.

Our food was almost all eaten with the hands.  This after a warm rosewater bathing of the hands at the beginning of the meal.

We were SHOCKED when they brought an eating utensil with the desert.  Shocked, I tell you!

I learned that I really like Cuos Cuos.  I had no idea.  It was served with Cornish Hen and was just to die for.

And then.....the entertainment really began.  Dennis dancing with the Belly Dancer.  It was awesome!!

Great food, great service, great company and priceless entertainment.

And, Denise, I've included a photo of our very handsome waiter for you.  He was a constant source of joy throughout the evening.  And the pose is JUST for you!  We are glad that you joined us on the speaker phone.

Steve, We are glad you joined us on the speaker phone for a bit.

I wanna do that again!